The CNN GOP Debate: Vegas, Baby!

The best prize fights are held in Vegas. I caught the Hopkins-Mosley fight at Mandalay Bay a few years back. Anyway, the GOP Debate at the Venetian tonight resembled one, but there were a lot of low blows and Anderson Cooper wasn’t the best referee. My “favorite” GOP candidate, Jon Huntsman, decided to boycott the debate and held a town hall in New Hampshire instead. I also found myself agreeing with Ron Paul a lot tonight. 😯 Because of all that, my head’s spinning again. I’m going to wrap a hot towel around it and lie down, so please enjoy the highlights:

Michele Bachmann
1. Obama’s aunt and uncle are illegals! Which is why I will build a double fence and drown anchor babies.
2. Hang on, mommies. I will save your homes by turning the economy around. It will be too late by then, though, so start feathering other nests now.
3. Ahmadinejad, your ass is mine. I got your back, King Abdullah.

Herman Cain
1. All y’all on this stage don’t understand crap about 9-9-9 because oranges aren’t apples.
2. I’m not going to apologize for wanting an electrified border fence. The one who promises to zap the most illegals wins.
3. Sure, I’d trade some al Qaeda prisoners for an American hostage. Wait. No one else likes that idea? Then I will never negotiate with terrorists.

Newt Gingrich
1. Individual mandates? It wasn’t my plan. It was The Heritage Foundation’s. Well, yeah, and mine too. Back off. I was saving this country from Hillarycare.
2. Mormons? It’s the Atheists that suck. I don’t trust a President who doesn’t pray to their Creator Who endowed us with our rights. Because we’re a Christian nation. But then we get back to that whole Mormon vs. Christian thing. Forget it. Have I mentioned Obama sucks?
3. I hate you, Anderson Cooper, and the rest of the media sponsoring these debates. We should duke it out without a moderator. Get your tickets at newt.org.

Ron Paul
1. I wouldn’t even keep the pre-existing condition clause in Obamacare. Anyone with chronic illnesses has my best wishes.
2. Don’t blame the protesters, Cain! They were the victims of the Federal Reserve. Wall Street got bailed out. The middle class got sold out. Why does that sound familiar? Bottom line. The government sucks.
3. Foreign aid. Gone. Yes. Even Israel. I think Michele’s head just exploded.

Rick Perry
1. Governor Goodhair is back in the game! I’ll interrupt Romney constantly. That irritates the crap out of him, and he gets rattled.
2. The only 9% I am concerned with is the 9% unemployment rate. That was good, huh? Oh, I forgot. Go OIL.
3. Romney is the real magnet when it comes to illegal aliens. Because of his guy with the leaf blower. Hypocrite.

Mitt Romney
1. If you shut your pie hole, Santorum, I can tell you and everyone else again that Obamacare was not based on my plan.
2. Poor Perry has had a rough couple of debates, which is why he’s pissy tonight. Calling me a failure and an illegal alien lover is better known as projection.
3. Let all homes foreclose and watch the economy grow. Or something like that.

Rick Santorum
1. You wrecked MA with Romneycare, which was the model for Obamacare. You’re all about socialized medicine.
2. Perry wrote a letter begging Congress to pass TARP. I saw it, liar! And you people call Romney a flip flopper?
3. I can beat Obama. I’m 3 and 0 when it comes to beating Democrats. I got the swinger vote too.