Happy Friday Funnies 9/7/12

Considering the last couple of weeks, I had to bring it – convention style. Have a great weekend everyone! 🙂

“In her speech, First Lady Michelle Obama said her husband has dinner with his girls where they strategize about middle school relationships. Which explains why today the Pentagon ordered a drone strike on that lying bitch Ashley.” –Conan O’Brien

“The Republican Convention ended on Thursday. The Democratic Convention began last night. In between was a travel day for hookers.” –David Letterman

“I hope they go easy on Clint Eastwood. It wasn’t his best performance last week at the Republican convention, but he’s given us decades of great films. So Democrats, if you’re looking to mock Mitt Romney by dragging an inanimate object out onto the stage, why not just use Mitt Romney?” –Craig Ferguson

“First lady Michelle Obama is receiving praise for the speech she gave last night at the Democratic National Convention. Everyone was impressed. Even Fox News called it ‘not the worst.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“The first two nights of the Democratic convention are at the Time Warner Cable Arena and the big speech by President Obama will be at the Bank of America Stadium. That’s good thinking, the two things Americans love most: cable companies and banks.” –Jay Leno

Hey Bill Clinton! It’s Getting Hot in Herre…

Yes, that is how the rapper Nelly spelled it. But why is it hot? That’s the fire of the base. Thank you, Bill Clinton. Now that was a speech.

I’ve always loved him. The first time I was able to vote for a President, it was for Bill Clinton. I was in college and was able to vote on campus in San Diego, even though my “home” was up here in the Bay Area. I remember having zero hesitation in voting for him. Good times (and decision).

I’m feeling a lot more fired up after his speech. Not only was it passionate, he explained a lot of Obama’s policies and what they mean now and will mean in the future. Some of the gems from his speech:

We Democrats think the country works better with a strong middle class, real opportunities for poor people to work their way into it and a relentless focus on the future, with business and government working together to promote growth and broadly shared prosperity. We think “we’re all in this together” is a better philosophy than “you’re on your own.”

Amen. Thank you for reminding me why I am Liberal. It’s what I needed as I have been feeling quite dejected lately from politics.

One of the main reasons America should re-elect President Obama is that he is still committed to cooperation. He appointed Republican Secretaries of Defense, the Army and Transportation. He appointed a Vice President who ran against him in 2008, and trusted him to oversee the successful end of the war in Iraq and the implementation of the recovery act. And Joe Biden did a great job with both. He appointed Cabinet members who supported Hillary in the primaries. Heck, he even appointed Hillary!

This made me smile because it is one of the reasons why I really like President Obama. He didn’t just say he was willing to listen to the other side. By appointing GOP Secretaries, he proved it. And appointing Hillary was genius, even though world events have tested her toughness and tenacity. From the Arab Spring to Osama bin Laden and now the slaughterhouse that is Syria? I think she has had it harder than most Secretaries of State in the past. She’s doing a hell of a job though. Anyway, to appoint your competition shows me that you respect them.

I love our country – and I know we’re coming back. For more than 200 years, through every crisis, we’ve always come out stronger than we went in. And we will again as long as we do it together.

God’s truth right here. This injected me with some much needed hope and optimism.

Bill Clinton’s speech is exactly what I needed to hear. I caught it right after my Costco run. I heard that James Sinegal, co-founder and CEO of Costco, supports Obama and spoke at the convention. Awesome. Enjoy the almost $300 I spent at your store. 🙂

Anyway, I’m glad I was able to watch him and get fired up again. It’s good to be Liberal…and a registered Democrat.

The Democratic National Convention: Hitting the Ground Running

Man alive! The Democratic National Convention opened with a bang. Cory Booker and Julian Castro? Very passionate. They were on fire tonight.

Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, NJ, was a little “shouty” for my taste. I already knew good things about the guy, though. My partner, who left her heart in NY (by way of Hoboken, NJ), follows him on Twitter. The guy is absolutely dedicated to his city. Some random person will Tweet that the stoplight is out on a certain street in Newark. His response is always, “On it.” A politician who understands that they’re there to serve us? Yeah, I didn’t think they existed either.

I knew nothing about Julian Castro, mayor of San Antonio, TX, but all I can say is WOW. Very powerful speech. I can see why they call him a rising star. He really pegged Mitt Romney:

Mitt Romney, quite simply, doesn’t get it. A few months ago he visited a university in Ohio and gave the students there a little entrepreneurial advice. “Start a business,” he said. But how? “Borrow money if you have to from your parents,” he told them. Gee, why didn’t I think of that? Some people are lucky enough to borrow money from their parents, but that shouldn’t determine whether you can pursue your dreams. I don’t think Gov. Romney meant any harm. I think he’s a good guy. He just has no idea how good he’s had it.

Exactly. Not everyone has the luxury of asking their mega rich parents for the money to help them start a business. And they’re not the only ones who should have a shot at their dreams.

Of course, Michelle knocked it out of the park with her speech. I never really thought much about her speeches before, but tonight was amazing. My favorite:

And he believes that when you’ve worked hard, and done well, and walked through that doorway of opportunity…you do not slam it shut behind you…you reach back, and you give other folks the same chances that helped you succeed.

I loved that. We don’t get to where we are without help. And once successful, we should help others in achieving their success.

So did the opening night of the DNC fire up the base? I don’t know about “fire up,” but they have my attention again.

Totally Twisted Quote Tuesday 9/20/11