Happy Friday Funnies 3/9/12

On Japan and R.E.M.

Special Report: Can Japan find “New Deal” after Triple Whammy?

I hope they can find something. The title is accurate. Triple whammy. And like most natural disasters, they never saw it coming. It’s really sad. The earthquake itself was devastating, but the tsunami that followed? I heard on the radio this morning, 1000 bodies have washed ashore. I really need to turn off the radio on my way to work. Gruesome and tragic. And the nuclear plant that may meltdown? How are they going to deal with that as well? I hope the sea water cools it down.

Those near the epicenter of the earthquake said it felt like the end of the world. Literally. Even though I’m one of those “I’m spiritual, not religious” people, I do believe we are in the End Times. It doesn’t depress me at all. I’ve been pretty fatalistic and negative for as long as I can remember. I’m not a glass half empty kind of person. I’m the empty with a crack kind.

I hope the Mayan prediction of 2012 comes true. My faith in humanity was lost long ago, and it continues to tank (even below zero). We’ve raped this planet (i.e., garbage gyres in the oceans, floating polar bears). We brutally torture and kill each other and not just during war time (i.e., Zaire/Congo, heinous crimes that are reported all the time). And then there are those who have no trouble torturing and killing animals, God’s innocent creatures.

I hope we are ushering in the apocalypse. It’s selfish to wish for it, but I don’t care. At all. It probably won’t happen anyway.

But I still want it to happen. 2012? Asteroid? Pole shift? Nuclear winter? Bring it on.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

2012 Republican National Convention: Cairo

Screw Tampa. Cairo is where it’s at. I read Politico’s article, GOP 2012-ers cold on Egypt strategy, and got a kick out of it. Only a select few of those who want to take on Obama in 2012 have been vocal about how we should proceed with Egypt. The others have not.

MITT ROMNEY
“I think what the United States has to do is make it very clear to the people of Egypt that we stand with the voices of democracy and freedom and we also have to communicate — I think as the administration has,” he said on ABC’s “Good Morning America.”
Translation: I have no chance because of the Mormon thing, so here goes nothing. It’s all about Democracy, even if the Muslim guy in the White House thinks so, too.

NEWT GINGRICH
“I don’t think they have a clue. It’s very frightening to watch this administration,” he said on Fox News with Greta Van Susteren Tuesday night. “We should be very frightened of the Muslim Brotherhood. These may be people you can’t dialogue with.”
Translation: Obama bad. Me good. Gingrich 2012.

TIM PAWLENTY
“I think his time is going to come to an end,” Pawlenty told a scrum of reporters accompanying his book tour in Iowa. “It should come to an end. But as that vacuum gets filled, we want to do all we can to make sure it gets filled by institutions and people and leaders that share our principles, and values of freedom and democracy and human rights.”
Translation: See how diplomatic I am? I’m very presidential. Oh, and God bless America!

MIKE HUCKABEE
“I don’t think anybody is trying to defend everything that he did as president, but they would have liked to have seen at least an acknowledgment that he’s been a friend for all these years,” Huckabee said Tuesday morning on Fox News. “So the concern is that if the U.S. will so quickly turn on that friend, how quickly will it turn on its other friends? And that’s the sentiment shared by not only the Israelis, but by the members of the European parliament from several European countries with whom I spoke this morning.”
Translation: Zionists, please vote for me.

Even silence can speak volumes.

SARAH PALIN
“I’m not supposed to say anything until I read The Middle East for Dummies and can find Egypt on the map.”

BOBBY JINDAL
“I’m Indian. They’re Egyptian. I don’t know if Americans can tell the difference, so I’ll sit this one out.”

Republicans always put on a great show. Who knew we’d have a trailer so soon?