GOP Debate: Saturday Night Fun in Manchester

After a shamefully long absence, last night provided the perfect opportunity to resurface: The ABC News/Yahoo! GOP debate in New Hampshire. Here are the highlights:

Newt Gingrich
1. Anti-Christian bigotry! It’s bigger than two chicks wanting to get hitched.
2. “Obama’s desperate attempt to create a radical European social model is sincere.” Dang the audience loves me. I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
3. If I weren’t here, I’d be watching the college basketball championships. Oh oops. Football. You caught me. I’d really be holding Callista’s purse at Tiffany’s.

Jon Huntsman
1. A gay couple’s relationship doesn’t affect my marriage one bit. Stay with me, social conservatives. No to gay marriage, yes to civil unions.
2. Simpson Bowles! Eliminate the loopholes. But not all of them. I got your back, big business.
3. I just called Romney a douchebag in Mandarin.

Ron Paul
1. Nice comment on the bell, junior. Still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a big government spender and lobbyist lover.
2. Ugh those newsletters again! I didn’t write that racist crap. Since we’re on the subject, black people get the shaft in the justice system. Maybe that will get me a few of their votes.
2. Ping pong is the cornerstone of my foreign policy. Rescuing Iranians from pirates and stopping sanctions will bring world peace.

Rick Perry
1. You just witnessed a brawl between Ron and Rick. They’re what’s wrong with government. And neither have good hair.
2. My vision is O-I-L, but you knew that.
3. Back to Iraq, soldiers. It would be your 7th tour? Suck it up, son.

Mitt Romney
1. CEOs aren’t managers. If you weren’t a career politician, you’d know that managers are under me. I mean CEOs.
2. Quit badgering me on the contraception thing, Stephanopoulos. I’m this close to saying that I’m sad it didn’t work for your parents.
2. China sucks. They lie, cheat, and steal, but make really good dumplings.

Rick Santorum
1. Don’t ever question my Conservatism, old man. I can arrange a permanent tour of a coal mine.
2. I hate Iran so much. I want to choke Ahmadinejad with my own hands.
3. There is no such thing as the middle class. And the sky is green, I swear.


14 responses to “GOP Debate: Saturday Night Fun in Manchester

  • lbwoodgate

    Better shamefully absent than removed from the face of the earth, which is what I was beginning to fear. Glad you’re back Cheryl.

  • lobotero

    I loved the debate…..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  • dcmartin

    Oh, how I have missed you……glad to see you’re back, I was starting to worry!
    GREAT recap, as always. I did not watch, because I like my TV and did not wish to harm it. I may just have to break down and watch the local production of SO You Think You Can Asshat on January 16.
    Ugh.

  • beaglezmom

    Sorry Spinny, the shepnerd comment was me. I was so excited to see your post I forgot I was working the the Shepnerd.com blog at the time.

    Yay for your post! Does make debate season go down easier…

    Bglz

  • Dusty, hells most vocal bitch

    Seems both you and I are not posting as much as usual. My excuse is the post-surgical back problems. But I am glad to see you posting m’dear as I can NOT watch those clown-fests any longer. I depend on others to give me the 411 on them.

    At least your roundup of them make me laugh! 😉

  • Sedate Me

    Sure, I have nothing but time to kill for a couple weeks and you post nothing at all. I have an avalanche of work and now you crank ’em out left & right. But enough about my selfish demands of you (such is the nature of the Interwebs), how about that exciting debate?!?!?!?

    I watched almost 30 seconds of it! After I realized the stupid little rotating sign at the bottom of my screen was getting more attention from me than anything coming out the candidates mouths’, I switched to The Fireplace Channel, a channel that shows nothing but a 10 second tape loop of a fire burning. It was less repetitive and far less irritating to watch. No kidding.

    This is exactly what I meant when critizing the Republicans and the media for innudating us with about a year of utterly speculative bullshit and starting the debates 6 months before the first ballot gets cast. And yet people still complained about me complaining, as if I was vandalizing some holy process with my cynicism.

    All the candidates have, not only “taken the lead” in a race that actually didn’t start until last week, (with the possible exception of the Mormons) they’ve all wound up getting clobbered and made to look foolish in some way or another. They have become old news that nobody really gives a shit about anymore just in time for what they’re doing to actually matter. ie The first vote is cast in piddling little Iowa. This is what happens when you start drawing attention to yourselves almost 2 years from an election. People not only get bored silly, they have enough time to dig up every slip-up you’ve ever made in your entire life. (And thanks to modern technology, more & more will be captured for forever and used against future masochists seeking office.)

    Misison Accomplished, morons!

    They ALL have certainly lost their “new car smell” 11 months before the election and are starting to smell like lemons. Meanwhile, the “slightly used” and declared discontinued Oldsbamamobile is starting to look like a better value.

    • Spinny Liberal

      😆 @ The Fireplace Channel.
      And Amen on the “Oldsbamamobile” (very nice).

      • Sedate Me

        Thanks.

        FYI: In Canuckistan, in addition to 4-5 hundred useless channels, we have 3 tape-loop channels; the Fireplace Channel, the Cottage Sunset Channel and the Fishtank Channel. All in HD and, sadly, usually more interesting than what most channels are showing.

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