Anyway, I finally caught it on YouTube, cracked open a bottle of Fat Tire Amber Ale. Perfect, because this is the last one! Looking back, I’ve loved Jon Huntsman’s performances. That isn’t surprising. What was surprising was finding myself agreeing with Ron Paul. A lot. That has definitely thrown me for a loop.
I raise my bottle to the GOP. Thanks for the seemingly bottomless well of material for these recaps. ¡Salud!
1. “No new taxes.” I used the broken promise of a one-term president to sell myself. Oops.
2. Ron Paul is underestimating Iran again. We need to kick their asses. With no money and troops who will probably end up on their 10th tour of duty.
3. The issue of abortion is crucial to our party. If you vote for this “partial birth” abortion-promoting former Speaker of the House, Jesus will stop loving you.
1. I believe I’m so electable I dare compare myself to St. Reagan.
2. I hate activist judges. I actually hate that entire branch of government. Let’s get rid of it.
3. Why is Michele talking about my abortion record? Why is she even here? I’m the one in the middle people. The one in the lead.
1. I’m not going to pander, sign any “silly” pledges, or attend a Donald Trump debate.
2. Natural gas people. Time to drop our “heroin” like addiction to oil. I’m going to back off because I’m starting to sound a little too Liberal.
3. Of course we have to protect the border. But legal immigration is an engine of growth. See? “Te quiero, Latinos.” Oh yeah and “Wo ai ni, China.”
1. Welfare people vs. warfare people. Get one side’s support to crush the other, and voilà! Progress.
2. I am a non-interventionist, leaning isolationist. You can give me all the hypothetical situations in the universe. And I don’t care if it is Iran. We don’t need another war!
3. Newt and Michele want to hack away at the third branch of government? Um, balance of power? And I’m the crazy one?
1. The taxpayers bailing out a loan guarantee program when I was Texas Agriculture Commissioner? I don’t want to talk about it, so I’ll push my part time Congress idea. The audience loves that. Rick Perry Rules!
2. I’ve already planned my no-fly zone over Syria They’re killing their own people are in cahoots with Iran. Don’t mess with Texas or Israel.
3. Thanks for letting me play at a “high enough level” with you guys. You all are so smart. Self-deprecating humor + good hair = Charming the pants off of people.
1. There are Democrats who love America. Swear to God they exist.
2. We need a strong military. Add Navy ships, modernize the air force, and 100K more troops. Even though I’m all about cutting spending.
3. Life experience causes some of my positions to change. I do enjoy flip-flops during the campaign, I mean summer, season.
1. 99 counties, 350 Townhall meetings. I want your votes so bad, I’ll stalk your entire state.
2. I am more trigger happy than Bush ever was. Iran has been in my cross-hairs for forever. On day one, I will fire.
3. Hell yeah I broke Reagan’s 11th Commandment (Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican). Suck it up, babies. There’s no crying in vetting!