The ABC GOP Debate: “Newt Romney”

I actually enjoyed this one, even though Huntsman wasn’t there. In their closing statements, each had to say something cool about one of the other candidates. Even though some of their answers were a bit odd – like Newt saying he loves how Santorum has consistently hated Iran – it was a good way to end the evening. Nice one, Diane and George! For those who didn’t watch, here are the highlights. Enjoy! 🙂

Michele Bachmann
1. Adiós 9-9-9! Meet Michele’s Win-Win-Win Plan.
2. Newt Romney. Newt Romney. Newt Romney. I was told if I said that it three times, they’d go away. Dangit. Didn’t work.
3. Mom was a single parent. I had to work to help the family. I still clip coupons and shop at thrift stores. I didn’t have Rick Santorum’s two-parent household luxury.

Newt Gingrich
1. Mittens, you would have been a 17 year politician if you didn’t lose to Teddy Kennedy. You had no other choice but to be in the private sector.
2. Let’s fire all union school janitors and replace them with kids. Teach them how to work! Lazy, Nickelodeon-watching mooches.
3. I didn’t speak for Israel. I spoke as a historian, someone who has known “Bibi” for years, and someone who speaks the truth. Just like St. Reagan.

Ron Paul
1. Extend the payroll tax cut, but pay for it. Easy peasy. End the wars.
2. If we every elected leader took their oath of office seriously, there would be no government. Or something really cool like that.
3. Let’s not let give the government the power to save us from ourselves. We should be free to be as fat and unhealthy as we want to be.

Rick Perry
1. You need an outsider to help create jobs. That’s me! The guy who’s been in politics for 27 years.
2. I can tell Obama that Obamacare is an Abomination. Ooooh that sounded great! Throwing in that I read studies like the Beacon Hill Institute’s makes me look really, really smart too. I am so rocking this.
3. We should catch and release smallmouth bass, but not illegal immigrants.

Mitt Romney
1. Obama’s idea of being hands-on on the economy is his golf grip. Good one, speech writer!
2. Mining minerals from the moon? Eliminate child labor laws? America, that’s Gingrich. That’s who you Iowans think can beat Obama, people? Seriously?
3. I never had to struggle financially. Dad had bank, but he grew up poor. And I hung out with poor people in other countries as an LDS missionary. I think that means I can relate to them. Doesn’t it?

Rick Santorum
1. I’m all for tax cuts. Except for the working schmucks who could use it.
2. Michele is a fighting loser. I’m a fighting winner.
3. I’ve had all my basic needs met. But most importantly, I came from a two-parent household. Stay together to give your kids the luxury of a mom and a dad. Even if he beats you, or you cheat on him.

15 responses to “The ABC GOP Debate: “Newt Romney”

  • lobotero

    I did not watch it and I thank you for the synopsis……my thought was debate…..some weird useless reality show…..but I finally chose ….f*ck it! And read a book!

    It will be the Newt-Romney Show until Iowa….everybody trying hard to sound like a conserv….

  • nonnie9999

    i actually watched this one, and your synopsis is spot on. i memorialized the duhh-bate in a movie poster. come on over, little spinny. 😉

  • aFrankAngle

    LOL … love #2 w/ Bachmann.

    Yep – I didn’t watch this either, thus keeping my perfect record intact AND relying on your excellent analysis.

    Meanwhile, I stumbled across this instant classic.

  • lbwoodgate

    Perry: ” We should catch and release smallmouth bass, but not illegal immigrants.”

    Now there’s some “logic” his platform can attached itself to. 🙂

    Great as usual spinny

  • Snoring Dog Studio

    How many more of these debates will we have to endure? Well, frankly, I can endure them because I never watch them. Instead, I come here to get an update. And for you, I’m grateful!

  • Sedate Me

    I have to admit, I broke down and tried to watch this one. I mean, it’s only about 3 weeks before Iowa selects almost a whole 1% of the delegates. But to put it in perspective, I’m one of those guys who buys a program at sporting events to familiarize myself with the line-ups and shows up to watch the warm-ups. As such, I felt it was almost time to familiarize myself with the cast of clowns in this circus, so I gave it a shot.

    It only took 10 minutes before I was begging to be water-boarded.

    I did see what I thought was going to be the highlight, Newt’s #1 comment. (“If you hadn’t lost to Kennedy, you’d have been in politics since.”) Funny thing was, that is EXACTLY what I was thinking, almost word for word. Which only goes to show how great assholes think alike.

    If I were (shudder) a Republican, Newt would probably be my guy.

    • Spinny Liberal

      Haha 10 minutes? Wuss. 😛

      Newt is definitely a straight shooter and is not afraid to tell everyone what is on his mind. He has no filter. Romney is a lot more refined with that stuff. We’ll see who makes it. I didn’t think Gingrich would make it this far. And I don’t think he did either.

      • Sedate Me

        Well, to be fair, without the irritating rotating logos in the corner, I could have lasted another 10 minutes. And by that point, the documentary on this mountain in northern Germany had started, so I had something more important to watch.

        I may have said this before, but there was never any doubt in my mind, even when Newt was “finished” that eventually the non-Romney vote would somehow manage congeal around Newt. And I think he knew it too. He’s a familiar face and he’s one sticky guy.

      • Spinny Liberal

        You probably learned something new from the documentary. The debates? Not so much.

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