The CBS GOP Debate: Because Millions will Tune in on a Saturday Night

Um, yeah. Whose genius idea was this? Many of us were watching the Pacquiao-Marquez fight. CBS expected so many to tune in that many of their affiliates cut coverage of the last 30 minutes. I guess we know how important foreign policy is to the networks. If that isn’t disturbing enough, this is the second debate where I found myself agreeing with Ron Paul. Way more than is healthy. Anyway, enjoy! 🙂

Michele Bachmann
1. Obama is not a friend to Israel. Bachmann and Israel are and will forever be BFFs. Manischewitz for everyone!
2. Waterboarding is the best. Maybe I could try doing it to someone.
3. Even though we’re talking about foreign policy, I’ll sneak in Obamacare. Then I can say how I will repeal it. Again.

Herman Cain
1. Having good people from my cabinet to generals will help me make critical decisions. Which means no Muslims.
2. Torture schmorture. Waterboarding is cool!
3. I love torture so much, Gitmo should stay open. Hey, maybe I can get live feed.

Newt Gingrich
1. Any one of these ideas on dealing with Iran is better than whatever the hell Obama is doing now.
2. I’m with Goodhair. Foreign aid starts at zero. If you want it, tell us how you will use it to help us.
2. If we don’t overhaul everything from rules of engagement to intelligence, we’re all going to die. And Pakistan will pull the trigger.

Jon Huntsman
1. Nation building. How about we concentrate on ours?
2. I am so lonely. Oh thanks for asking me something! Waterboarding is torture. Torture is wrong.
3. The Ryan Plan is the best! See? If you give me a chance, I can show you I can scare Liberals too.

Ron Paul
1. It’s not worth going to war with Iran. This is smelling a lot like Iraq.
2. Waterboarding is torture. And torture is ineffective and un-American.
3. Self-determination. Stay the hell out of their business and attend to ours.

Rick Perry
1. I don’t know why Pakistan is being two-faced, so I’ll just say what everyone loves. NO foreign aid! Even Israel. Well, almost everyone. Sorry Michele.
2. My advisors were right! Make fun of myself and my Department of Energy boo boo, and the audience will love me!
3. Everything Chinese will end up in an ash heap. Except shrimp fried rice because that would be a shame.

Mitt Romney
1. Why not go to war to keep Iran from having a nuclear weapon? I mean we’re in two already. What’s one more?
2. We’re allowing those Chinese run over us. I will stand up to them. What do you mean remember what happened in Tiannamen Square?
3. I will get rid of the National Endowment of Arts and NPR because you know they eat as much of the budget as defense.

Rick Santorum
1. We have to be friends with Pakistan because they have nuclear weapons.
2. We should stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons at any cost. Yes, even going to war. Not like we haven’t done it before.
3. I will make sure Gitmo will stay open forever. Torture works!


7 responses to “The CBS GOP Debate: Because Millions will Tune in on a Saturday Night

  • lobotero

    I am glad to see they stick to one important campaign issue…Obama sucks! After that None had much to say….but then no one was thinking they would, right?

  • Richard Gerace

    Dig a little deeper before you go ga-ga for Paul. Any Paul. You can practice while digging for artifacts in Belize.

  • Sedate Me

    They had another debate already? Holy shit. That makes 74 debates now, right? How long until the Republicans get their own debating channel?

    As always, I didn’t watch a second of it, even though I was actually looking for something to watch Saturday. I didn’t even notice it was there. I finally settled on some channel in 600 range that was showing a German documentary on bugs & such in the Black Forest. I stand by my decision.

    Some other thoughts:

    1) If you’re a Republican and just hearing the word “Israel” doesn’t give you a boner, you’re gay (even if you’re a woman).

    2) I also agree with Ron Paul far more than I think is healthy. But it shows you how unpalatable, if not outright crazy, most Republican politicians & their policies are when Ron Paul looks like the sane one.

    3) Uh…Let’s see…uh…er…Shemp?

    4) Spinny, I can’t believe you actually gave Perry a point #3.

  • John Myste

    I missed it and I was not watching the Pacquiao-Marquez fight. No interest. I did, however, watch the Cain Velasquez vs Dos Santos fight. MUCH better than yet another GOP debate where everyone reiterates why they are still a nut.

  • lbwoodgate

    You deserve a vacation after doing this again. Well done.

  • Christopher Cocca

    An effective case you’ve made for Ron Paul, Good Spinny.

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