A FOXy GOP Debate

Yes, you saw right. There is a new guy. Gary Johnson, Governor of New Mexico. The highlights:

Michele Bachmann

1. Every dollar you earn is yours. But you can’t drive on highways or call 911.
2. I never said the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. That’s retar- never mind.
3. My 5 biological and 23 foster children told me to abolish the Department of Education

Herman Cain

1. If I had cancer under Obamacare, my procedures would have to be on their time table. Just as if I had a crappy HMO plan now.
2. 9-9-9. People know it. People love it. Told ya it was catchy!
3. Mess with Israel? Don’t make me break out my can of Whoop Ass.

Newt Gingrich

1. When I’m President, the unemployed are screwed.
2. I’m calling it. Pakistan will be the death of us.
3. 21st Century Contract with America. It’s back, but bolder than ever, baby!

John Huntsman

1. I’m not the new guy anymore. Thanks Gary!
2. We want out of the wars. Get with the program, Santorum.
3. Subsidize? I know what I said. We can do it. But only for 5 minutes. Then we’re out.

Gary Johnson

1. There’s a new Libertarian in town.
2. My neighbor’s dog made more shovel ready jobs than Obama. Thank you for laughing.
3. Ron Paul, OG? Will you be my imaginary VP?

Ron Paul

1. You have to understand bubbles to fix the economy.
2. States rights! Federal government? Since you asked, get rid of it.
3. National ID card? Database? Over my dead Libertarian body.

Rick Perry

1. Look at Mitt’s flip flops! Split personality, Mormon freak.
2. Back off my Dream Act. I need the Mexican vote.
3. My VP would be a black Newt Gingrich or a white Herman Cain. Or something like that.

Mitt Romney

1. Nice try, Perry. I have an answer for whatever you throw at me. I’ve been practicing.
2. What’s considered rich? You’re looking at him.
3. Patriotism will solve all our economic problems. Free flag pins for everyone.

Rick Santorum

1. I will reinstate Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Stick ’em back in the closet where they belong. Except for the ones that are out now. Because that wouldn’t be fair.
2. Is your immigration plan working in Texas, Perry? Is it? Is it? You’re my piñata, now!
3. I will keep us in Iraq and Afghanistan forever. I mean until we win.


22 responses to “A FOXy GOP Debate

  • lobotero

    Thanx for the update…….I spent 2 hours watching a rutabaga grow and 2 hours watching the debate….I found the rutabaga far more stimulating and informative…..

  • goodbyereality411

    I liked this post. It seems this election I will again be voting for the lesser of two evils :(.

  • lbwoodgate

    I looked forward to your version of these debates. They encapsulate the essence of their drawn out drones – not to mention they’re very funny

  • Hansi

    Good synopsis…saved me two hours of pain.

  • dcmartin

    I really need to start watching these so I can witness the “WTF?” moments first hand.
    So now it’s cool to boo soldiers and disrespect their service, as long as they’re gay??????
    Carry on, Westboro douchetard wannabes.
    😦
    Ugh.
    Why can these idiots not get it?
    santorum keeps saying that gays are getting a “special right”…..no they aren’t. Aside from officer/enlisted fraternizing rules and certain PDA’s while in uniform, there are no restriction on heterosexual soldiers being “out”. They are allowed to have photos of girlfriends/boyfriends, wives/husbands. They are allowed to discuss their love lives. If “sex is not an issue”, as Frothy Mix said, that means gays get to serve out in the open like everyone else.
    What a freaking moron.
    Hey, Santorum……..go Google yourself.

  • lobotero

    They need to stop…..it seems to be a 2 man race…let them go at it….Perry will dry up and blow away….he is not a person that gets better with time….

    • Spinny Liberal

      You can count on many more. My partner asked, “Why are they having so many of these?” I said, “So they can pick the one to go up against Obama.” Even though I wanted to say, “Hell if I know?”

      You think that Romney will get the nomination?

  • beaglezmom

    These reviews are becoming my lifeline to get through debates. When I’m despairing about the cruelty, stupidity, or ego-maniacism, I just tell myself – “I can’t wait to see what Spinny will say tomorrow”.

    One good thing about these constant torture sessions is the more Perry gets to talk the more of a noose he hangs around his neck. All Mitt has to do is shut up and keep rolling. Bachmann’s fading fast, and Johnson takes the uniqueness from Paul.

    • Spinny Liberal

      Glad to help. 😀 I think writing these helps me so I don’t seethe with anger. Cathartic.

      You think? Perry is still WAY popular, which scares the crap out of me. Bachmann is definitely fading fast. I loved the Beaglez talking about how the media “taketh away.”

      • beaglezmom

        Perry is part Machiavelli, part Elmer Gantry, and part Barnum and Bailey. Like Bush he relies on advisers to do most of the thinking. But the difference is Perry has no filter and too much ego to install one. Over time you will hear the stupidest most outrageous crap come out of him.

        His barnstorming around Texas praying for rain for example – that may play to the wing nuts – but the centrists in the rest of the country just think he’s a local yocal boob. (and it didn’t help that after his “pray for rain” crusade Texas had a bought o wild fires instead of rain. His knowledge of the border is limited, and he only supports stuff like the tuition bill to get the Hispanic voters.

        Right now the shocking thing is our national horribleness and lack of compassion that the audience keeps revealing – but once we get used to the side show – I think people are gonna see Perry is the real circus freak.

      • Spinny Liberal

        Interesting pray for rain and you get fires. 🙂
        I hope you’re right that people will see him for who he is. The GOP is starting to shy away from him because of his version of the Dream Act.

  • Terrance H.

    I think it’s a toss up between Romney and Perry, and the idea of President Perry just scares the hell out of me. Romney is a bit more morderate, I’ve found, and a lot less evil, crazy, psycho, etc….

    • Spinny Liberal

      Yeah. Right now, they’re the front runners. If I had to pick between them, I’d take Romney. The only one on that whole list that I “like,” is Huntsman. They won’t pick him because he’s way too Moderate.

  • The Hook

    Another great share- and post!

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