The Bitchy GOP Debate in the Hawkeye State

Was it the summer heat? Or did they actually try the deep fried sticks of butter? Whatever the cause, it was a bitch fest tonight. For those who had better things to do on Friday Eve, here are the highlights:

Michele Bachmann

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. Sarah Palin and I are BFFs. Excuse me while I wander off. I’ll be back, though.
  3. I’m in love with my gay husband, and he told me that submission means respect.

Herman Cain

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. I never said that. But for future reference, when I say Sharia Law sucks, I mean Muslims suck.
  3. Romney’s Mormonism? Face it. The underwear thing is creepy.

Newt Gingrich

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. Screw you and the rest of the press for your “gotcha questions” and “Mickey Mouse games.” I hate you!
  3. This supercommittee is the dumbest idea since my Contract with America.

John Huntsman

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. I stand on my record…that makes me look like a Democrat.
  3. Why isn’t anyone clapping for me?

Ron Paul

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. “Let my people (of Iran) go.”
  3. We have to mind our own business and work on the real problem. The government.

Tim Pawlenty

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. I’m not boring. And I’ll beat up Michele to prove it.
  3. Obamneycare.  I give up. I made it up because I thought it sounded clever, OK?

Mitt Romney

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. Ugh Romneycare again? That’s not the only thing I’ve ever done, people.
  3. Fight amongst yourselves, Michele and Tim. I’m tired from the real debate earlier today. Evil Liberal hecklers.

Rick Santorum

  1. Obama is no leader.
  2. When do I get to talk, Michele and T-Paw? No fair, camera hogs!!
  3. States Rights, States Rights. I am so done with the 10th Amendment.

At least it was entertaining. If everyone took their Midol, it would have been New Hampshire 2.0.


22 responses to “The Bitchy GOP Debate in the Hawkeye State

  • Snoring Dog Studio

    Hilarious! I look forward to more of your analyses throughout this goddawful campaign. Really, this sums it up quite well. I almost gagged listening to Romney tell the Iowans that corporations are people – and trying to defend why they should avoid paying their fair share. Why do the Republicans continue to accept candidates who are so damn out of touch with the middle class? What is it with that strategy?!

    • Spinny Liberal

      I love writing these. My favorite. It was easy this time because they just handed me the material. When Mittens said that, I thought, oh my God, really? If they’re people, how about they pay taxes instead of getting a refund check.

    • dcmartin

      “Why do the Republicans continue to accept candidates who are so damn out of touch with the middle class?”

      IMO, it is because most R’s are just out of touch, period. How else can you explain the whole ” hands off my Medicare/SS” mentality that somehow also applauds the “So Be It/ Shut it Down!” stances of their elected representatives? The same people who screamed that Obamacare would cut their “entitlements” are the same people praising the budget being held hostage unless those same things were put on the table. The candidates are just a reflection of the confused, out-of touch people they represent.

      • Snoring Dog Studio

        And I pray (not in the Perry or Bachmann way) that voters will snap out of it and realize that their best interests were stomped on right after the mid-terms.

  • lobotero

    Like I said in my post…this will be the last FOX sponsored debate I will watch….

    http://lobotero.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/gop-debate-2/

  • Hansi

    Damn… I missed it! Oh well, there’ll be sound bites galore on MSNBC.

  • dcmartin

    GREAT analysis, Spinny…..you really captured the essence of that crapfest!
    🙂

    • Spinny Liberal

      It was so easy last night because it was bizarre-o on a stick. Michele disappearing and reappearing (WTF was that? Bathroom break?). Newt going postal on the press. And T-Paw using Michele as his punching bag? Dang. Crapfest indeed!

      • nonnie9999

        one of the reporters tweeted that botox batshit bachmann was obsessing over her makeup, and during each break, she went to get it touched up. i don’t blame her for being worried. these days, it looks like her makeup is applied with a trowel, and i’d worry, too, that it was melting under the hot lights. that would be pretty funny. sorta like what it would look like if the air conditioning broke at madame tussauds’s wax museum in the middle of the summer. i wonder if mittsie would melt first. after all, he’s made of plastic.

      • Spinny Liberal

        😆 at Madame Tussaud’s. Thanks for the explanation. I had no idea. I was just like, “where did she go?”

  • The Hook

    Nice political examination – like usual!

  • Terrance H.

    The GOP field reminds me of a bunch of toddlers in a daycare center…

  • beaglezmom

    Best synopsis ever!!! When they asked Bachmann about submission (I could seriously not believe they asked that!) — I was dying for her to say, “Yes, my husband is the submissive…”

    Crazy times, crazy people. I keep expecting someone to come out and say “Okay…we were just kidding …. Here’s the REAL Candidates…”

  • John Myste

    I’m in love with my gay husband, and he told me that submission means respect. She should never have been asked the question. If I were her, I would have attacked the question and asked if issues were a concern. I hate her, though, so it’s all good.

    Screw you and the rest of the press for your “gotcha questions” and “Mickey Mouse games.” I hate you! I am no fan of Newt, but I completely understand why he kind of said this.

    This supercommittee is the dumbest idea since my Contract with America. I completely agree with the portion of this that he said. If I were a Republican, he would have scored with that shot.

    I stand on my record…that makes me look like a Democrat. What record? Who are you?

    We have to mind our own business and work on the real problem. The government. Hahaha. I hate Ron Paul. You think you are satirizing his position, but you aren’t.

    Obamneycare. I give up. I made it up because I thought it sounded clever, OK? Hahaha. You nailed it.

    Ugh Romneycare again? That’s not the only thing I’ve ever done, people. Get used to it. It is your albatross. His explanation was that it was done at a state level in accordance with his constitution. I am not sure that will even fool Republicans who are looking for a reason to believe.

    When do I get to talk, Michele and T-Paw? No fair, camera hogs!! Though he apparently had his share of words, I was also annoyed at how only he could not exceed his time. By the way, google “Santorum”

  • Dusty, hells most vocal bitch

    At least your roundup made me howl woman! 😉

    Now, if I could of watched it w/your pov my blood pressure wouldn’t of flown off the charts.

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