Nothing New at the New Hampshire Debate

Republican debates usually center around big government. Each try to convince you that they will make it smaller. Or at least suck less. Nothing new tonight. In case you missed it because you have a life, no worries. I’ll sum up each contender’s contribution to the debate.

Michele Bachmann

1. Obama sucks.
2. I want everyone to know I’m officially running, and Obama is a one-term President.
3. Yay fetuses! Boo gays!

Herman Cain

1. Obama sucks.
2. I liked TARP until TARP was implemented.
3. I am not comfortable with the “bad kind” of Muslims.

Newt Gingrich

1. Obama sucks.
2. I support Paul Ryan’s plan. I promise.
3. I sound angry because I am. At immigration, at space, and especially at those 16 traitors from my campaign.

Ron Paul

1. Obama sucks.
2. The government is the root of all evil.
3. I hate the government so much I want to be POTUS to get rid of it.

Tim Pawlenty

1. Obama sucks
2. “Obamney Care?” Dude, don’t ask me about that when Romney’s standing right next to me.
3. I know, shut up now. I’m not just boring, I’m long-winded.

Mitt Romney

1. Obama sucks.
2. Obamacare is nothing like mine and must die.
3. I have a great smile, more campaign money, and that’s all you really need to know.

Rick Santorum

1. Obama sucks.
2. Paul Ryan is dreamy.
3. I will bring balance, and the Tea Party rocks. Not so much that I am one of them, though.

The most interesting things I learned were:

1. Bachmann likes both Elvis and Johnny Cash.
2. Cain likes deep dish pizza, not thin crust.
3. Gingrich likes American Idol better than Dancing with the Stars.
4. Paul likes his Blackberry, iPhones suck.
5. Pawlenty says yes to Coke, no to Pepsi.
6. Romney prefers spicy vs. mild wings (yeah right).
7. Santorum likes Leno over Conan (but watches neither).

I know. I’m trying to get my two hours back.

14 responses to “Nothing New at the New Hampshire Debate

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